Our brains are hardwired to look for problems and generate solutions. In The Neuroscience of Change, Kelly McGonigal, a health psychologist and lecturer at Stanford University, explains how this brain state has been helpful for human evolution so we can improve our state of being. Looking for what’s wrong, however, often prevents us from seeing what is good in the present moment.
Because of our negative bias, we can easily become focused on what children need to do better: pick up their clothes, get ready faster, be quieter, solve math problems better, make less mess, and on and on. As a result, our children can easily be bombarded by what they are not doing right.
Clear Feedback & Encouragement
In Montessori environments, we focus on offering clear, accurate feedback and encouragement, which includes acknowledging children’s work and effort. We want children to develop an internal drive so they can be independent, responsible, thoughtful learners and community members.
To support this development, our feedback and encouragement are focused on what is happening for children internally. We acknowledge what children might be feeling and the effort involved. Instead of the focus being on what the adult is feeling, we reflect upon children’s experiences. So rather than saying “I’m so proud of you,” we might say “You look very proud,” or “You worked so hard. Congratulations!”
Phrases of encouragement or positive feedback work best when backed up by evidence. For example, “I noticed how your friends looked relieved when you offered to help sweep up the spilled rice. They seemed to really appreciate your kindness.” Or “I saw how you looked frustrated and then how you took a deep breath. You showed a lot of self-control at that moment.”
State the Positive
Developmentally, young children need to hear requests or reminders framed positively. They need to know the expected behavior and they need us to state what we expected to see. If we say, “don’t hit,” young children cannot easily differentiate between the commands “hit” and “don’t hit.” The last word they hear is “hit,” so that is the image that lasts in their minds. Thus, statements like “don’t run” or “don’t hit” aren’t as effective for our young children.
Rather than saying what not to do, we focus on the behavior we want to see. Statements like “walk, please,” “touch gently,” or “please talk quietly” offer a clear and positive image of what to do. Children hear how to be successful and thus can more easily be successful.
Catch Them Doing Something Right
In addition to these clear directions, we can recast children’s self-image by acknowledging times they are making a good choice. In doing so we are providing our children with positive attention. All too often children get attention when they are engaged in behaviors we don’t like. Children then quickly learn that they need to act out in some way if they want attention. To counter this trend, we need to catch our children doing something right.
Building a Foundation
If we are caught in a cycle of only seeing the negative, one way we can change our outlook is to make a list of all the things our children have done right over the course of a day. When we start noticing and acknowledging the good stuff, we help create a positive feedback loop. Young children also love hearing a story about their day that highlights the positive choices they have made.
In Different Learners, Jane M. Healy, Ph.D., offers a strong reminder about the profound influence we have on our children: “One thing brain research tells us – loud and clear – is that the way we raise and teach our children not only helps shape their brains, but can also influence or even alter the way genes play out their roles.”
In this season of new growth, let’s offer positive reminders and in-the-moment acknowledgments to help our young people develop successfully. By doing so we will also be helping ourselves see the world in a more positive light.
Share This
Recent Articles From Our Blog
Simple Ways to Support Your Child’s Montessori Journey
A fresh new school year comes with lots of excitement, and often lots of questions from new and returning families alike. One of the most frequent questions we hear from parents is, “How can we support Montessori education at school by implementing Montessori at home?”
Tips on Effective Ways to Get Kids Back on Track
And just like that, summer is drawing to a close and a new school year is about to begin. Having been around the block a few times, we thought we’d share some tips and tricks to get the kids (and yourselves) ready!
Embracing Phase-In Days
As we gear up for another exciting school year, one important aspect of the Montessori approach that many parents might not be familiar with is the concept of phase-in days. This practice across authentic Montessori schools plays a crucial role in setting the stage for a successful and smooth transition into the new school year.
Pearlily Summer Reading List
As the school year comes to an end, it's the perfect time to dive into the wonderful world of books with your little ones. Reading together not only fosters a love for literature but also plays a crucial role in children's language development. In this week's blog post, we're excited to share a Montessori-inspired summer reading list tailored specifically for preschoolers and kindergartners.
Transitioning from Montessori to Traditional Schools
“How will my child adjust?” Whether a child is transitioning from a Montessori preschool or kindergarten to public first grade, or the transition takes place later, many parents find themselves asking this question. While children may differ from each other in terms of their response to changes and new environments, the short and simple answer is that Montessori children will more than do just fine.
Prepare your child for life.
Is your child a dreamer? A builder? A thinker? A storyteller? An explorer?
At Pearlily Montessori, we educate children 3-6 years old and support them in becoming independent, responsible students who love to learn. Learn more about:
Our Mission
The Prepared Environment
Our Early Childhood Program
To grasp the essence of a Montessori education, just step inside a classroom.
Explore Pearlily.
Please fill out this form to learn more about the school, tuition, or to schedule a visit. We will contact you at the first opportunity.